Digging for Cables

In most situations, I’m a quiet guy. Somehow my dad nicknamed me “chatterbox” as child. The safety of my own home is probably the only time I lived up to such a name.

To this day I still hear people around me say, “watch out for the quiet ones, once they snap they’ll kill you.” Can’t say I’ve ever lived up to that.

In part however, I think there is some truth to the idea that the quiet folks tend to have a little more “clack” to their thunder, a little more “cold calculation” as words erupt like lava from a once stagnant volcano.

But it’s not just the quiet ones we need to be wary of. I think we ALL have an underground cable that if split will electrocute whomever dared to grasp the shovel.

I’m saddened with how quickly people go digging for cables. They long for contention and discord as if severed relationships were the rule and not the exception. They speak truth with no restrain, intent to hurt, intent to cause damage.

THE CHALLENGE: Brutal honesty (even if a skewed opinion) is often the shovel that will get you zapped. Brutal honesty has merit, but lacks sustainability. In dealing with those around you, look for the signs posted “warning, underground cable.” Stay away, dig somewhere else. Every personality has some territory that can be explored freely. Use tact. Use love.

As for your own cables, keep your signs posted. Avoid rust and decay. Sometimes we victimize ourselves when boundaries aren’t declared early and firmly.

Photo by: Ira

Police Each Other, Be a Dan

A bit misguided in my youth, a friend and I fought boredom one night by swapping around the neighbor’s trash cans.  Dan, my neighbor from across the street was a prison security guard.  He had no reservations seizing us with a tongue made of razor blades!  I’m grateful he was there to correct me!

Fast forward…

I don’t recall much about my 5th-grade experience.  After all, that was back in 1989.  My strongest memory is of twin boys completely disobeying the teacher.  They walked to the front of the class at will, threw chalk, knocked down the erasers, fired spitballs and cut the line.  They had no boundaries.  They were the most popular kids in school.  I saw they experienced a level of freedom that I longed for.  I was painfully shy.  I had no popularity to speak of.  I strongly considered following their lead.  Something inside me told me not to.  I listened.

Fast forward…

The twins continued down their path of rebellion.  Just four years later one of them decided to continually push me from behind for nearly a half mile on the walk home from school.  When I finally decided to stand up for myself he punched me in the face splitting my tooth in half (all for no rhyme or reason).  To this day, I am unable to floss without discomfort.

Fast forward…

In high school, the twins persuaded me to make a choice that was not congruent with my beliefs.  Nothing sinister or cruel, but enough to lead me astray.  It was a pivotal moment in my life.  It came at a time that I should have been forward thinking in all matters pertaining to my education and future career.  I often wonder how my life would have been different if I hadn’t listened, or if there was a Dan available to tell me to stay true to my beliefs.

While the twins and I don’t keep in touch, I don’t have hard feelings towards them either.  I’d be happy to spend time with them and catch up on the years that have expired since our interaction.  Still, I didn’t have to lose a tooth.  Plenty of cars drove by before I got sucker punched.  Plenty of school kids were watching the entire event transpire. No one stepped up or stepped in. Where were the “Dans” at?

Fast forward…

Today I parked my car at the beach, which happened to be on a military base.  A pickup truck pulled into the parking lot and the driver gave me a dirty look as he passed by me.  I’m not one for confrontation but I could tell the driver thought he was special and probably needed to get knocked down a peg or two.  He confirmed my suspicion when he got out of his truck and started to urinate in the parking lot.

I approached him and rather forcefully censured his misfit behavior, particularly for missing the urinal positioned just 30 yards away and for ignoring the fact that women and children were in the area. Despite his simple reply of, “Roger that” – I could feel his ego peel back to the nub like a filleted fish.

fish

Nobody is more comfortable peeing in a bush than a Marine.  That’s not the real issue here.  The real issue is the young man’s lack of respect for social etiquette.  Military members are expected to act with integrity on and off duty.  He clearly was not.  The real issue here is the PATH that he is going down.  If he can issue a dirty look and urinate in a public setting, what is he willing to do when the sun goes down, when the door is locked, and when nobody is watching?  That’s not the kind of guy I want around my daughters.  It’s not the kind of guy that should leave the bar with keys in his hand.

THE CHALLENGE:  One great lesson the military has taught me is to “police each other.”  What would the world look like if there were enough REAL men and women willing to STAND UP and SPEAK UP when they see something wrong in the world?  Try it.  You may have to fillet some feelings, this in turn might get you punched in the face, stabbed, or shot.  Who cares!?  You will feel good inside.  Most important, you might just make an impact on someone going down the wrong path, someone who is willing to listen, someone who might blog about you 30 years down the road.  Have the courage to BE A DAN!

Photo by Kathy

 

Behave Like a Tailor

In my world, it’s bad advice to “make a goal and then tell everyone you know so that they will help hold you accountable.”  Maybe that’s because I fail a lot.  Even when I tell my most trusted friends and family members – I still fail.

“Tell the world what you are going to do, but first…SHOW them!”

I take that back.  I don’t fail.  (I often say “fail faster” – but not in the sense of ultimate failure.)  I change.  I learn and grow.  I adapt.  I aim, pull the trigger and then adjust accordingly.  Sometimes I realize that a target is out of reach, or too close. Sometimes it’s the wrong target altogether. Admiditly, there are occasions when I don’t know what the heck to shoot next.

“Be fluid because flexible is too rigid.”

The reason I try to keep my mouth shut and play “show then tell” is because I dislike explaining my decision(s) to people.  Can you relate?  I found a quote today that I believe is worth reflecting on.

tailor

“I had become a new person, and those who knew the old person laughed at me.  The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor: he took my measure anew every time he saw me, whilst all the rest went in with their old measurements and expected them to fit me.”  George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950).  Man and Superman 1, 1903

THE CHALLENGE:  People around you are constantly changing from day to day.  We are on a personal journey twisting and turning as a leaf falling from a tree.  Every day as you encounter your associates, friends, and most especially your family members – behave like a tailor and take their measurements.  See how they feel.  See what outlook they have.  See if anything has changed from your last encounter.  Allow them space to transform or modify their thought process.  This will add a rich dimension to your relationships and conversations.

A Question For the Ladies, a Tip For the Gents.

My son was enjoying an animated film this afternoon. “Hey, Dad, watch this part – these two characters GET in love.”

BrockSky

I knew what he meant and I gently corrected him. I appreciate how some words get twisted coming out of the mouth of my (now) six-year-old. It makes me smile and sometimes teaches a lesson.

Falling in love just happens. A void of emptiness gets filled with a magical chemistry. If you’ve felt it, you know what I mean. All of a sudden that special someone occupies your every thought and motivates your every action. You can’t sleep at night and you look forward to the next opportunity to chat or be together.

Then, over time, love matures. It evolves into something “different.” If you have a long time companion, you’ll know what I mean. If you are not careful, boredom and complacency may set it. My love grows deeper as the years pass by, but the “magic” feeling takes some work.

“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” ~Bruce Lee

Let’s call this process “GET in love.”  Falling in love is mostly passive, “getting” in love is active. This is where the work comes in. This is where you ask your lover for a hint at how you can best make their heart skip a beat. Maybe you already know the answer. Are you doing it?  How often?

To the great husbands and fathers out there, I salute you – keep it up!  Truth is, some of you gentlemen might not want to ask for a hint because you’ll get smacked in the face with Waldo. Let me save you some trouble, or at least offer a few considerations born out of observation (and sadly, it doesn’t take a whole lot).

(1) If your heart and eyes are elsewhere, reign them back in. This includes flirtatious behavior with so-called “friends.” As a matter of fact, that friend might be cancerous to your marriage.  If you’d rather spend more time with someone else than your spouse, that’s a problem.

(2) Are you a deadbeat dad? Do you read to your kids? Do you have one-on-one time with them – daddy daughter dates? Do you help with the homework? Do you teach them hard work? Manners? Cleanliness? Or, is your video game more important? Maybe you’re more in love with watching sports or nurturing a bromance.

(3) Do you help around the house? Do you take out the trash? Help with the dishes or laundry? Do you wash the car? Do you offer to pump the gas? Do you hold the door open? Do you go out on dates or is romance dead? Would you rather pay for the date or the meal?

QUESTION: Ladies, what would you add to this list?  Give the men out there a hint…what can we do better?  Leave a comment and pass it along.

Jolt Revolt

I wasn’t much of a handyman in my first house. Some things I had to learn the hard way, barely evading death or serious injury.  One such experience came when I decided to remove a patch of drywall in the bathroom.  I jammed a 6″ saw tooth blade into the wall and before I could even start hacking away, I found the precise spot where electrical wires were fitted to the stud.  A powerful jolt of electricity hollered at me as if to say, “YOU IDIOT!” Visible sparks flickered about in an odorous puff of smoke just inches from my face.  The circuit breaker tripped.  The room was left dark.  I was shaking like a leaf! “WOW, that was stupid!” I said to myself.

Many years have passed since that first terrible encounter with electrical current.  I now approach the subject with great reverence.  In fact, I’m a little too cautious and quickly hire an electrician regardless of expense (in my mind, that’s a small price to pay).

I’ve never seen anyone bypass the playground to take their kids to an electrical plant. Sure, we may ignore the speed limit, but never a high voltage sign.  Ironically, the high voltage isn’t the killer in our lives, it’s low voltage!  In other words…

“we dig our graves with our teeth.”

It’s not the first cigarette that kills you nor is it the last argument which causes divorce.  It’s the “pack a day” for 30 years or the premarital baggage and built up resentment over time that prevents the “happily ever afters.”  The kids who avoid the first cigarette as if it had a “high voltage” sign are the winners.  The same goes for the diet of cheesecake, Twinkies, Devil Dogs and Fudge Rounds; or the marriage based on deceit or wandering eyes (including other body parts).  Staying FAR away from the small discrepancies ensures peace and safety.

THE CHALLENGE:  I recommend using this idea in conjunction with “goal punching?” (You can read about it here.)

When you are faced with a small discrepancy, treat it like a massive one.  Take immediate mental action by putting a “high voltage” sign on it.  Stop telling yourself a little bit won’t hurt. Just because you don’t see visible sparks doesn’t mean you aren’t getting zapped.  A little bit does hurt.  Small leaks are capable of sinking big ships.

Photo by Ian Bailey-Mortimer

People Will Say “Amen” to Whatever

We tend to accept the idea that the cup is “half full or half empty.” Our actions however, often suggest otherwise.

We live in a “thumbs up, thumbs down” – “like, unlike” – “repeat, skip” – “share, block” society. The cup seems to be either completely dry or running over. Go look at online reviews. Yes, there are plenty of negative Nancys, but the number of five star appraisals are overwhelming! I understand being optimistic and grateful, but can we make a little more room for middle gray? Not everything is a brick! Not every performance deserves an applause. Not every sermon merits an “amen”. Not everyone deserves a trophy. “Created equal” does not mean “performance equal.”

THE CHALLENGE: Consider all the times you hit “like, share, repeat, subscribe” etc. What drives this action? Is it habit? Are you seeking a pat on the back in return? Are you bored or lonely? Is it laziness, why not leave a comment instead? Are you truly trying to add value in the world or are you stuck in a thoughtless stupor saying “amen” to every mosquito that buzzes by? Don’t thoughtlessly contribute to the “everyone’s a winner” mentality. Rather, challenge yourself to actively support those who fight for the starting job!

Google’s Frenemies

This line, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” is so worn out it hurts.  But there is wisdom here. This quote has stood the test of time (not that I know its origination or anything – so don’t believe the hype).

My personality type lends itself to getting along with anyone. I look for the best in people. I give lots of second chances. My good friend Travon described this tendency as finding the “bird with the broken wing.” I nurture the bird until it is ready to fly again. It helps that I know how to apply a little saliva and that I understand concepts like popcorn payoff and quadrilateral leadership. The last time I considered someone an enemy was in Jr. High School (Don’t worry Helga, I forgive you…wherever you are). I keep a handful of close friends and the rest are neutral. It is very liberating to live life like this.

THE CHALLENGE: Think of yourself like the Google search engine. Type “search” into Google and what is the first result? Yahoo Search! Crazy right? I can type “Bing” in a Google search bar and with the click of a mouse, mosey on over to Google’s competition.

I can type in “Google conspiracy”, “Google lies” and even go way out on a limb with “Google is the devil.” Guess what? There are results for all of these. Why would a company allow the risk of slandering it’s own reputation?

Google doesn’t care and neither should you, I know I don’t! For as much as we rely on Google, we sure haven’t learned much from it. She is the perfect example of holding both friends and enemies close by.

“When you don’t care about your reputation you tend to have a good one.”
– Nassim Taleb